January recap

January, the first month in my print publishing journey, has been disappointing (read: devastaing, distracting, discouraging ). Rejections from Grain, Malahat, and Pedestal, and the CBC Radio Litarary Awards. The last few poems I have posted garnered no crits - or minor, joke crits. I can't seem to connect with my inner voice. I am caught on a plateau of mediocre accomplishment. I have been here many times before in many fields but have yet to rise above the plateau.

I wrote earlier of the 'inner frame of reference' and that is what I do not have. I keep thinking if only I could take some courses and workshops - perhaps that would help me with that reference. Then I would have a better idea of how my poems worked, how they placed.

I bought a book on English Grammar the other day, and am trying to improve my skills. I am reading about clauses and phrases while sitting by my grandson's hospital bed - his face is covered in bandages, he has hundreds of deep stitches inside. He says there is an 'army' on his face but we think he means 'armour' - and I ask God why I can't write about that, about him propped up watching Bionicle 2 with an army on his face.

I promised myself I would give it one year, 2005. Here I already want to quit after one month. I need one of those 'armies'